TRIBUTE - Tom O'Connor (not yet deceased)

Tom O’Connor – a made up tribute.

Just in case he pops his clogs (and let’s face it – it can’t be long off now) we dedicate the letter T to the life and times of your very own Tom O’Connor.

Scouser Tom started life as a baby and over the years grew up to a man. But not just any man. He became a man of some substance. What that substance was, nobody knows or dare say, but made of it he was.

He accepted money for doing things, some of which were jobs and it quickly became apparent that he was "quite funny", or at least that’s what people told him.

Tom decided that his mission in life was to make people laugh and the only to this was to become a comedian in the seventies.

Tom travelled all the way to the 1970’s in his dads Morris Minor and told racist jokes and one liners about mother-in-laws until the cows came home.

It took quite a while for the cows to come home as they were more into Bernard Manning but by the time they DID arrive home Tom O’Connor was a house hold name.

This was made all the easier by the introduction of his own brand of yellow dusters called “Tom O’Connor’s yellow Dusters” and as they were cheaper than normal yellow dusters they soon found their way into every home in the land.

In some cases Tom would even sneak in to houses and insert his yellow dusters in house wives cleaning cupboards just to bring up the averages.

Tom soon realised that the 1970’s wouldn’t last forever and as the dying breathes of that decade drew nearer Tom took every opportunity that came his way.

By October 1978 Tom was presenting 75% of all game shows on ITV. This hectic schedule took its toll on Toms marriage, the long weekends away filming meant he missed his family and wife and her lovely home cooking.

The final straw for Tom was when the national tabloids reported that his yellow dusters were not very good and frumpy housewives across the land were urged to use old newspaper and some lemon juice to counteract Toms nonsense!

This news broke Tom’s heart... and his bank account.

Disillusioned with the sneers and name calling Tom packed his bags and went far far away on a sailing ship where he was free from accusing eyes and rabid finger pointing and he was once again free to tell his racist jokes over and over and over.... and over again.

Today Tom can still be found on boats and ships telling “that joke” to anyone who will listen or gets within grasping reaching of his grabby hands.

 Tom is very happy, when he is not looking p*ssed off like this photo I took of him just after after I called him a berk.

He was last seen on TV during a weeklong stint in dictionary corner on COUNTDOWN in the 2007 where he told a very unfunny that ,for some reason nobody can fathom, contained a word I dare not print but did involve the word P****  depending on how you spell it.

That joke is nowhere to be found on the internet – but he did say it.

What I did find though, was his other joke (he has two!).

Here it is. Try not to laugh too hard.

Tom O'Connor is available for works Do's, Shopping centre openings, Hospital ward fund raisers and Big Brother. (no calls after 8pm.)

So when Tom O'Connor dies make sure you come back here and leave a comment of condolence. 
Until then, why not leave YOUR fake memories of Tom and how he promised to make you a star but never returned your calls and now you don't what you are supposed to do with 6 pallets of yellow dusters!