General Steele ran down the corridors of STOCKDALE UNIVERSITY.
He had traversed these walls many times over the years in his capacity as liaison to the strange and heroic Professor Procto, he had gotten to know the Prof quite well over the years. Their many adventures together had always been successful (apart from that one time at the orphanage… but that’s another story) but there something…otherworldly about the university hallways that made the man of war nervous.
He reached the door and pushed his way through.
He knew better than to knock as the Prof would undoubtedly be caught up in one of his many MANY dangerous experiments.
As he opened the door the General was met with a blanket of pure darkness. Nothing could be seen at all. Light just fell into the nothingness and disappeared.
“Hello? Professor?” called the General.
The reply was not one he expected.
“GOOD GRIEF MAN! SHUT THAT DAMNED DOOR… QUICKLY!”
It was the unmistakable rage of the Professor himself.
The General slammed the door behind him and held his breath.
“Procto? The lights. What’s going on?” He asked.
There was a click of switches and the comfortable hum of electricity breathing life into the strip bulbs on the ceiling. The face of Professor Procto loomed large and mere inches from General Steele’s bearded face.
“Good Lord!” Exclaimed the General.
“Not quite.” Mused the bespectacled man in front of him.
The professor composed himself and his face altered to show the grave danger that they were in.
“General. I’m glad you are here. It appears that one of my experiments has….well… managed to escape.” The professor took a step back and walked over to one of his many work benches.
The General frowned. “But we just destroyed the remains of that haggis monster thing.” Said the General. “It’s all okay now Procto.”
The Professor shook his head. “That’s old news General. No. This was my latest experiment. I was attempting to cure Hay fever. I had genetically modified a bumble bee to be susceptible to pollen in a way that was both ironic and scientifically brilliant… Only… it’s escaped.”
The professor shuffled papers and moved objects around, looking for something in particular.
“I don’t understand professor. What’s so bad about an escaped bee with the sniffles?”
Procto sighed, the way that clever people do when they don’t have time to explain everything because people forget that time is of the essence and danger is all about.
“In changing the Bees DNA some… unforeseen alterations were made to it’s genetic material. You see, this bee is not just a humble bumble… no. It is now a blood sucking living dead insect that could cause the end of humanity if it stings somebody.”
“GASP!” Gasped the General. “You mean….”
“Yes…” interrupted the Professor. “Somewhere out there is a…. ZOMB-BEE!”
Procto held aloft a large gun. “This will help us locate the little bugger.” He said. “It’s a my Chekov’s Gun.” Comes in very handy at times….”
And with that, the General and the Professor left the lab in search of the killer ZOMBEE.
The Gun made a beep-beep noise as they made their way through the many scenic views of Stockdale.
Across the river and past the farmland where the General stopped his colleague “Professor, why is that sheep glowing blue like that?”
But the Professor hurried him on.
They passed the cemetery, where a funeral for man not yet dead caused the gun to beep-beep a bit faster, but with a quick bit of calibrating, it soon pointed then in the direction of the town centre!
Both men were quickly out breath as they arrived at ARNOLDSCORNER SHOP where the gun off it’s nut, beeping like a mother beeper!
The shop was closed and there was no way in. The general peered through the shop front window.
“Looks like they have a copy of Robot Jox…. I love that film!” said General Steele trying to lighten the mood.
“I’m more a fan of SUPERBRICK myself.” replied the Professor.
It’s got a better twist at the end.
Suddenly the shop door opened and the owner, Arnold himself towered over them both.
“GUT MORNING!” He bellowed in a thick Austrian accent.
The professor barged passed him. “Let me through man. Science awaits!”
The general apologised and explained the situation to the shop keeper.
“A BEE YOU SAY?” frowned Arnold. “YOU HAD BETTER CAM IN.”
General Steele and Arnold walked into the shop to find Procto jumping back and forth pointing the Chekov gun at random objects in a vain attempt to find the missing bee.
“IT ES OVA HEE-AR!” said Arnold pointing at the window.
“IT STUNG ME ON ZE ARM SO I SHOT WITH MY UZI 9MM” he explained.
The General rushed to the window and amongst the many adverts for poetry groups and wanted guitar requests sat a small squashed bug like mess.
Professor Procto had run over to Arnolds arm to inspect the bite.
“We need to kill him.” He said.
“WHO? ME?” said Arnold.
The General jumped in. “I’m afraid this bee was infected and will cause you to become a zombie.” He said. “We can’t let you turn into a flesh eating beast… it wouldn’t be cricket.”
“HA HA HA” said Arnold. “YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I AM T-100 TERMINATOR SENT FROM THE FUTURE TO KILL TOM O’CONNOR. BUT I OPENED THIS SHOP INSETEAD.”
“But Tom O’Connor is still alive… isn’t he?” queried the professor.
“YES.” Said Arnold. “BUT HIS CAREER IS IN SUCH TATTERS HE MAY AS WELL BE DEAD AND SO HERE I AM.”
And everybody laughed.
Outside the shop, in the shadows, a mysterious figure in a homemade tinfoil hat made notes in a little pad….. “I knew it!” he said as he slunk back into the depths.
And so the residents of Stockdale was allowed to continue to exist … for now.