Wednesday, 25 June 2014
Stockdale Council Announcement.
It looks like summer is upon the citizens of Stockdale. The sun is trying its best to break through the ever lingering dome of smog, dead cats litter the streets from heat exhaustion and ... is that BBQ smoke I spot in the distance?*
Yes folks, the heat has got too much and the good people of Stockdale need to vent.
And what better way than a good old lynch mob.
After the unfortunate events of last years "NOT-IN-MY-COUNTRY-PAL" which coincided with the school exchange students from France***, this year Stockdale council have voted for the theme of HUNT-A-PAEDOPHILE, which promises to be a crowd pleaser**
Stockdale council have written to all bearded men who live either alone or with their dear white haired mothers to vacate the town during the festivities for their own safety, unless they are a wrong-un, in which case they should make themselves known to one of the stewards on the day.
So get those pitch forks sharpened, dust off those flaming torches and prepare for some good old fashioned "taking the law into your hands" style fun.
*The smoke is actually some burnt out cars from the sinkhole estate.
**Because the people of Stockdale are fear fuelled, ill informed, slightly illiterate vigilantes with nothing to lose.
*** The one year memorial will be held next week at the remains of the Bus Station.
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I dont think I have been to Stockdale, well not when it has been sunny I have recollections of a wet cobbled street and a wailing cat on a garage roof a long time ago. rain drops descending the window of a second class train carriage on the intercity 125. The station master slowly raising his flag as Thora looks on disdainfully, dunking her plain digestive in a polystyrene cup of lukewarm weak tea. telling the man next to her that her greatest moments we at stockdale in 1937 . . . Apparently it was raining then also.
ReplyDeleteStrange how mothers end up with white hair . . . . A bit like that virgin media chap Branston Pickles or whatever his name is
were at stockdale. . . . stupid keyboard I hate that Mr QWERTY
DeleteThe sun never shines in STOCKDALE. A big thick black cloud hangs over the town. It's one of our tourist attractions, along with the pot holes and strange explosions and monsters that prowl the streets.
DeleteI am starting to Warm to it a bit now.
DeleteOh good. It's about time we did something about those sex pests, The government does NOTHING about them, except lock them away in a correctional facility and try them in a court of law. NOTHING at all.
ReplyDeleteSTOCKDALE council has all of it's sex pests on a register so that when the yoof's start a riot in the town centre they can call on them to chase the little bleeders toward all the dangerous dogs (which are also on a register).
DeleteThis results in a lot of mess on the streets but the kids are no longer smashing windows and the pervs are eaten by the dogs which are now too full to attack people.
It's this kind of "thinking outside of the box" that makes STOCKDALE special